I hate to admit it, but this story happened 22 miles from my hometown! I'd say, "PLEASE, don't reproduce" - but it's apparently too late. But check out the expression on the face of this goofball as she's brought out of her house in cuffs ...

http://www.omaha.com/article/20121203/NEWS/121209881/1685

And if that's not creepy enough - WATCH THIS!